As Halloween approaches, pub chain Marston’s has called in a real-life crisis psychologist to advise its bar staff on coping with a zombie apocalypse.
It is not an entirely fatuous precaution – recent research amongst the British public found that, in the event of the undead walking the streets of UK towns and cities ravenous for brains, two out of five people would choose to hide out in a pub.
With this influx of terrified, and quite possibly thirsty, customers in mind, Marston’s enlisted Dr Sarita Robinson, one of the UK’s leading experts in survival psychology, to coach staff at The Acorn, in Accrington, Lancashire, on strategies to manage licensed premises besieged by the shuffling zombie hordes.
Before becoming the nation’s go-to expert on surviving the unexpected, Dr Robinson spent two decades studying how humans react in real-life crises – from helicopter crashes to shipwrecks.
As Associate Dean of Psychology & Humanities at the University of Lancashire, she has advised everyone from emergency responders to the military on how to keep calm when panic sets in, earning her the title ‘Dr Survival’.
“The science is the same whether you’re dealing with a flood, a fire, or a full-blown zombie attack,” said Dr Robinson.
“When danger hits, the body floods with different neurochemicals. These can help you run fast, but it can also scramble clear thinking. Preparation and laughter are the two biggest antidotes – they help the brain override fear.
“I’ve studied professionals who deal with extreme stress every day and the great British landlord already has many of those same instincts. They read people, they stay calm, and they’re the first to bring everyone together when things go wrong. That’s exactly what survival psychology is all about.”
Dr Robinson offered some tips to help bar teams stay cool, think clearly and keep customers smiling, whatever the unexpected crisis.
- Prep before the panic: “Stock up early – not just on beer but on water, first-aid kits and snacks. Nobody makes smart decisions on an empty stomach.”
- Know your exits: “When fear strikes, people can freeze or run the wrong way. Treat your pub like a fortress – identify exits, cover windows and maybe pick the stool nearest the fire door.”
- Brush up on first aid – before you need it: “The worst time to learn first aid is after someone’s been bitten. Practising first aid gives your brain an automatic shortcut under stress. You’ll save precious seconds – and maybe your pint.”
- Stick together – it’s science: “When we face fear as a group, the body releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone that helps people stay calm and cooperate. It’s biological proof that hiding out in the pub with friends is a smart move.”
- Keep morale on tap: “Psychological stamina wins survival. Humour, music and community bonding keep spirits high and fear low. In other words – keep the jokes flowing as freely as the ale.”
According to the same study that identified pubs as a safer haven against zombies than the supermarket (33%), staying at home (14%) and a military base (13%), half of respondents believe their local landlord has the right skills to lead them through the apocalypse.
Pubs were also rated for their practical strengths, with a third (33%) citing strong doors and locks, one in four (24%) praising the community spirit, and 22% voting for the ready supply of beer and snacks as key survival advantages.
Dr Robinson added: “If you can keep your head in a zombie apocalypse, you can handle anything – and where better to practise than the pub?
“It’s about staying calm, making good decisions quickly and keeping everyone working together. After all, laughter, lager and a solid escape plan are a winning combination.”
Martson’s director of operations for the North, John Green, said: “Our pub teams are superstars who cope with almost anything with a calm and level head – but this might be the first time we’ve prepared them for zombies.
“It’s a fun way to celebrate Halloween, but there’s a serious message underneath: our teams are brilliant under pressure and our pubs bring people together.”
By no coincidence whatsoever, 1000 of Marston’s pubs will be offering a special Halloween Zombie cocktail this October, while selected sites will be offering a ‘spine-tingling’ themed menu.
Asked for a second opinion, noted zombie psychologist Dr Shaun O’Thedeid said: “Let’s go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for this all to blow over.
He added: “How’s that for a slice of fried gold?”
